You never get used to it, no matter how many times you walk people through it... I just came from the hospital where one of my congregants recieved the news that the cancer they thought was in the rearview mirror has resurfaced. I can't begin to explain how exhausting it gets: that cycle of shock, reassurance, good news and hope, and then re-entering the whole process of asking "why? where is God?" with an entire family.
I get tired of being the one who has to speak up and say that God is present and at work. I get tired of feeling like my words fall on closed ears a disappear into a bucket of dispair and fear. I get tired of feeling unqualified to speak to people's greif because it isn't my loved one wearing the "cancer" diagnosis...
Yet in my work as pastor, one of my primary roles that the church set me aside to do is this very task. Even as I curl up and moan, "not again!" God's gentle whisper reminds me that I have been called to be faithful for people in these moments, that in the price we ministers pay in these moments we also sense great privilege and a grace that will carries us and the family through.
So in this moment, I simply ask for grace to be with the family, grace to be with me, and the assurance that God is present to be an anchor for my parishoner. I am confident that God's hand will be revealed in time...
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